#79 | The Formula To Charisma With Vanessa Van Edwards
Don’t have time to watch the video? Tune in on your favorite podcast app here:
Have you ever wished you could read someone’s mind? We may never get that chance but the next best thing is reading their social cues! Vanessa Van Edwards joined us for coffee to teach us how! Her new book, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication, shares an advanced guide to improving professional relationships through the power of charisma. Keep reading to discover how to encode and decode cues, find confidence in your personality, and master using cues via video conferencing.
What Cue Is Your Font Sending? (03:47)
What do you think is the least funny font? If you guessed ‘comic sans’, you’re right! Vanessa says cues about your brand and personality are lurking in everything from fonts, to colors, to commas and they affect how people receive the information you share.
She explained the same applies socially. “Cues change our feelings and our physiology. If you feel drained after a meeting it may be because of missed cues of rejection – scoffing, eye rolls, dismissive tones – your brain noticed what you didn’t and amped up your defense responses.”
Your Backdoor to Confidence (11:20)
Learning social cues is your backdoor to confidence in any setting. There are 96 in all but Vanessa says start with these three:
- Universal – cues understood instinctively; ex. making eye contact or raising eyebrows to get someone’s attention.
- Cultural – cues we’re socially trained to understand; ex. Italians use lots of hand gestures, Japanese use less.
- Personality type – studies show personality acts as a lens through which we perceive social cues; ex. Neurotics are often worriers and may mistake neutral expressions for negative expressions.
Learning Personal Cues (19:10)
If you’re like me, you’ll probably use Vanessa’s book Cues to decode others. But the real superpower is encoding. Learning cues will teach you most about yourself and to control the social signals you give to others.
Try this exercise to start – Record yourself saying two truths and a lie. Then study what you do differently when lying to find your tells. Message Vanessa and I what you learned!
Myths About Charisma (23:30)
Ahh, charisma. Many believe you’re either born with it or you’re not. Vanessa came to bust that myth! “Research shows some have charisma from birth but most develop it over time. Also, being extroverted does not equal being charismatic. The bubbly extrovert, the powerful contemplative introvert, and the compassionate empathetic healer are all charismatic.” (Tweet this!)
Confidence Vs Charisma (27:45)
Another busted myth is that confidence and charisma are synonymous. According to Vanessa, confidence is assuredness in one’s own ability, the desire to show up as you are and knowing you have worth. Confidence comes from being in control of your cues. Charisma, however, is having the perfect blend of warmth and competence. Simultaneously signaling that you’re likable, trustworthy, warm and capable, memorable and powerful.
Cues For Remote Work (40:05)
I think we can all agree social cues are especially hard to read via Zoom. No spatial cues and limited view of hand gestures means our brains are working overtime to decode whoever is on the other side of the camera. Learn to be confident on camera with my free starter kit, then apply Vanessa’s tips for mastering cues while working remotely:
- Make sure the camera is at least 3 ft from your nose – being super close feels very evasive.
- Show your palms (by waving) – it denotes you aren’t hiding anything.
- Be purposeful with the first ten words you say – make sure they’re friendly and honest.
- Give yourself grace – we’re all still learning to master WFH.
Speed Round (47:25)
- What is the next thing you’re learning for fun? How to garden, I even hired a mentor!
- What have you started doing or using lately that you love? Having a ‘not to do list’, the more specific I am with what I can’t focus on the more I get done.
- What are your favorite social media accounts to follow? Michelle Poler, Mel Robbins, Tank’s Good News, Good Good Good Co
- Homework: Record your lie to me video, ask 3 people to do the same, share it and diagnose each other’s tells. Continue connecting with Vanessa: Vanessa’s Youtube Channel and Science Of People
Next Week:
Terry Rice joins us to teach the art of monetizing your knowledge! He’s helped hundreds of entrepreneurs build their brand and revenue! He believes in sharing your knowledge frequently and attracting high paying clients through content creation. If you follow him on LinkedIn you know that he practices what he preaches. RSVP Here to join us!
