#54 | Advocating For Yourself At Work With Selena Rezvani

One of the most poignant points CWK guest, Selena Rezvani, made during our conversation was, “If you never hear no, you’re not asking for enough.” It reminded me of the need to be tenacious – in and out of the workplace. It’s no wonder NBC, The Huffington Post, the FAST Company, Forbes, and more, all look to her for advice on self-advocacy and confidence. 

The LinkedIn Learning instructor also shared her expertise on networking and the art of giving and receiving no’s. I left our conversation ready to apply her knowledge and I’m sure you will too!

Common Confidence Pitfalls (09:31)

Selena has taught tens of thousands of people about confidence through her LinkedIn Learning courses and workshops, so I was surprised to hear it is still a personal struggle. 

We agreed growing confidence is universal and ongoing even for the most accomplished. That being said, I was curious to know common confidence pitfalls and how to avoid them. 

Self trash talk and waiting for perfection topped her list. Her tips to overcoming them include adopting a supportive voice to negate the negative and knowing you have something valuable to share. Committing to not playing small by applying these tips will be a confidence game changer!

Where To Start With Self Advocacy (13:10)

For those of us taking baby steps toward confidence, especially in the workplace, Selena says a great entry point would be having clarity. 

“It’s hard to be a good self-advocate if you aren’t clear on what is important to you. The work begins inside. Understand what you want so when you present your case you have clear requests and options on how they can be attained,” she shared.

How To Say No (15:50)

“When you say yes to them, you say no to yourself. So, make a deal with yourself to not say yes in the moment. Instead say, ‘I need to look at my calendar, speak with my team, my family, etc’ and then get back to them.” 

Selena’s take on how to say no is genius for recovering ‘yes men’ like myself. This technique buys you time to think before committing. Your sanity and energy will thank you next time someone has a spontaneous request. 

Strategies When You Hear No (21:14)

On the flip side, here’s Selena’s advice on bouncing back when you hear a ‘no’.   

• Be Glad – Being courageous enough to ask and push the needle forward is a win in itself. 
• Expect The No – Yes’s and no’s aren’t permanent and don’t go on your “work record”. They are part of conversations meant to improve a situation and end in an agreement, so expect some no’s and don’t hold them tightly. 
• If You Never Hear No, You’re Not Asking for Enough – Push past what is comfortable for you and others by asking for more than expected. More responsibility, more money, more time, etc.
• Tweak Your Proposal – Selena shared a time she brought the “muted, diet pepsi” version of herself to an interview and didn’t get the position. Instead of sitting in the rejection, she went back and asked if they could work together in a different way and won the deal! Presenting different options that are beneficial across the board, can bring new opportunities. 

Also remember, a no can mean ‘not right now’. 

Networking (33:22)

 As we transition into a new normal in the workplace we’ll need strong support systems. Selena has an easy approach to networking we’d all appreciate. “Keep it simple,” she says, “Networking doesn’t have to be sophisticated. You should reach out often, have a point/reason for connecting/common ground, follow the 70/30 rule where you listen 70% and only talk 30%, and be generous. If you practice this you’ll be able to sustain the relationship.” 

I couldn’t agree more! Plus, one of the first places new connections look is your LinkedIn profile! Make a stellar online impression and supercharge your profile by following the steps in my free download.  

Speed Round (46:15)

• What is something you’ve started using or doing lately that you love?

Tik Tok! I’m surprised at how much I enjoy the app and how much I’m learning.

• What is the best gift you’ve given yourself in the last year?

Embracing the fact that I need weeknights to be the best me, it’s been freeing to have that time without apologies.

• What’s the next thing that you’re hoping to learn?

Finding the courage to be selective about the people in my life.

• What are your favorite social media accounts to follow?

Kim Kaupe, Dr. Kim Hires, and Minda Harts.

• What is one thing you’d change about everyone when it comes to confidence?

Don’t overestimate what everyone else can do and underestimate what you can do.

Homework: Cross your arms, then cross them the other way. Think about how it felt the second time, probably awkward and vulnerable. Now, think about how you’ll support yourself through the weird, strange, and uncomfortable moments like that in life from now on.  

Next Week

Ellen Yin is a fellow “accidental entrepreneur” joining us to spill the secrets about how she went from a $300 client project to owning a 7 figure business. She’s the host of an award-winning podcast (Cubicle to CEO) and an expert on creating an engaged community. If you’re a solopreneur this is one you’ll definitely want to join.

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