#101 | How To Host A Party With Nick Gray

Remember before the pandemic when we used to make an early workout class, commute for an hour, work 8 hrs, then host a party? I have one question. How?! Two years later I’m working from home and a 4-hour networking event feels exhausting – and too crowded. But what’s the solution when you still want to be social?
Founder and author, Nick Gray, has it. The 2-Hour Cocktail Party – his party planning book is the secret sauce to remaining social minus the burnout. In it, he teaches how to build big relationships with small gatherings and he joined us on Coffee With Kim to give a live play-by-play.

Top 3 Takeaways from the Conversation

• Magic of two hours – It can be daunting to be the one that has to end a party, especially when people are talking and still having lots of fun! But Nick highlights how it is incredibly important to set strict start and end times at your party. What’s incredible is that people actually show up on time when told about these two hour durations!
• Benefits of being the super connector – In hosting parties, you can be the one that links people together. You’ll become known as a connector in your local community just by hosting parties. It is through these loose connections and acquaintances that we see so many opportunities. 

• Icebreakers – You should ask simple questions at the start of the party, like what they had for breakfast, their favorite recent purchases under $100, and more! Avoid hard and personal questions like how their last relationship went to avoid awkwardness.

Want To Skip Around?

07:41 The Best Day To Schedule A Party

09:53 Getting Guests To Leave Politely

17:30 How To Use Icebreaker Activities

22:44 Why You Should Host At Home

29:37 How Many People To Invite

40:58 Speed Round

Links Mentioned:

• How to Host a Party website
• The 2-Hour Cocktail Party book
• Amazon: The 2-Hour Cocktail Party
• How to Host a Conference Meetup: Paul Millerd Style
• The Party Runway
• Event Platforms: Pros, Cons, and My Favorites
• Guest Bios: My Secret Weapon
• How Many People to Invite to a Cocktail Party
• How to Host a Clothing Swap
• How to Host a Happy Hour
• How to Plan a Networking Event
• How to Do Icebreakers: The Ultimate Guide
• Nick’s personal website
• Nick on Instagram

Audience Questions

Do you set off an alarm for 2 hours? 

Yes, you should set an alarm. One hour and 45 mins into your party, you can make your last call. 

What advice would you give to someone who is introverted or finds this a little overwhelming?

Giving guard rails and expressing the expectations, letting them know what to expect at the party, with even approximate agendas, the guest lists, little conversational nuggets of what to talk to people about. I include that throughout my book and how you can write that in only 30 mins or less to give conversational access points for guests.

How small is a “small gathering”?

The ideal size for your party is about 15 to 20 people for a small gathering. Less than 15 and there’s not enough energy in the room for people to create new connections and new conversations. For example,10 is actually more work for you as a host. It’s counterintuitive but the more people there are, the less work it actually takes.

Where are some other places besides the home that people might be able to host a party?

Give yourself a long party runway, 3 weeks planning time. If you live a few minutes away, inviting somebody to your home is a special situation. It’s intimate and vulnerable. For 95% of the people I talk to, hosting at home is actually the best solution because you turbo charge your relationship. Inviting someone into your home is like going on a date with them, it’s very vulnerable and it creates a connection like no other.

Do you help facilitate post-party meetings between people? Like having a contact list?

Here’s what I do, I encourage everybody to collect RSVPs on an online platform. The one that I use is Mixily. Make your guest lists visible, it creates social proof, it shows people that they are not going to be the only one at the party and there’s also names that are listed.

Occasionally, for advanced hosts that have hosted 4 or more parties using my formula. I teach them something called the 24-hour reply-all thread. This is a very advanced move. It can fail but it can also be drastically successful and incredible. Incredible new connections are made from that thread. Set it up before the 3rd icebreaker, make an announcement like: “Hey everybody! Tomorrow I’m going to do a reply-all thread. I’m going to put everybody on CC. If you want to be included, I’m going to send this out. If you don’t want to be included, see me before the end of the night or email me so I can remove people that don’t want spam like this. For 24 hours only, I want everybody to write back to the email, put on your social lists, link to a charity that you support, if you’re starting a business, or looking for a job. Make your ask and mention it but it’s for 24 hours only.”

How many people should I send invites to in order to get 15-20 to attend?

When you host your party on a non red-level day and give people 3 weeks notice, you will have more people say yes than that they’re not available. So the idea that Kim has that only 50% of people will come, that’s because in the past, we’ve invited them with little notice and on social competitive days. I will tell you though, that for me to get 15 to 20 people I need to invite 20 to 25, maybe sometimes 30. However, know that if you invite one person and they ask “Can I bring my partner? Can I bring my spouse? Can I bring my friend?” You’ll be surprised to get 15 to 20, you may only have to invite 20. 

How do you determine your guest lists?

My best piece of advice for your first party, do not pull from the top shelf. Do not invite Kim to your first party. Kim is from the top shelf, she is a celebrity and we want to impress her and so at our first party, we’re going to invite our friends and neighbors. People that we feel safe and comfortable with. Your first party should be a low stakes affair. We want to minimize your stress at the first party.

If You Enjoyed Today’s Episode:

1.) You should check out the episode “Business Etiquette” With Myka Meier

2.) Sign up for notes at copymyhomework.com for a full list of resources, links and recommendations listed on today’s episode.

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Connect with Kim over on the socials!

Instagram + TikTok: @kimkaupe

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimkaupe/

Want To Learn 1 on 1 with Me?: I’m passionate about making YOU stand out at work. After a 45 minute training, Avery (aka my newest shining star) implemented my tactics and got a new job making $60k MORE than the last. Want some of that secret sauce for yourself? Check out more here. 

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